Conclusion: I should find a new hobby.

This is a post about food.

This is also a post of firsts. The first time I've just started writing without any real direction for my words (spoiler alert: I often write things in my head before I put them down on the screen so my previous two posts were, in fact, mostly planned. This is not. Well, mostly.) The first time, I, uh, got stuck writing within two paragraphs of beginning. You know, firsts.

This is a post that is slightly different in format to the first two writings on my blog. It's not really that hard to break a pattern when you haven't actually established one, but still. This isn't a post about a mediocre anecdote or my life reflections. Come to think of it, it probably will be both. Hence, it is different.

This is a post to be grateful. I just took a nap; how many people get to have one of those right when they want it? Not many. I got treated to dinner tonight by my wonderful grandparents, I sure was grateful for that. When I got home my other grandparent, who I live with, was sort of miffed that I didn't actually tell him where I was going this evening. How wonderful is it to have someone who cares about you when you come home slightly late? Pretty great. Once I settled that person's feelings I was able to go upstairs and lay on my bed for an hour and half, just thinking. I didn't have anything pressing to do, I had a very comfortable place to chill out, and no one bothered me at all. I fell asleep for a little while, and now I have woken up refreshed and ready to write on my blog. Outside I can hear water running and crickets and the wind blowing on this pleasant Utah evening. I have quite a lot to be grateful for.

This is also a post to complain. I ate too much at dinner so my stomach hurts. Sometimes I get annoyed that people are keeping tabs on my whereabouts like, all the time, and that they think I can't handle riding my bike outside late at night. I have lots of things to do but didn't want to do anything, so instead I laid on my bed for an hour and a half being totally unproductive. Now my throat is dry from sleeping and I've been living in Utah for two months where I can't get myself to drink enough water so my throat is always dry when I wake up and it's too hot to sleep and now I won't be able to go to sleep because I took a nap, so instead I'll have to stay up late being equally unproductive except maybe I'll write on my blog.

This is a post about perspectives.

This is a post about food again. I kind of have food issues. I love it; too much. So much that I literally could not name my favorite food. I like Chinese food and Indian food and Mexican and hamburgers and sushi and sometimes (like right now) I just really need a lemon meringue pie. So eating food isn't really an issue. Except--well, I'll get into that later. The issue comes when I eat too much of it (like right now) and when I don't get enough exercise to counter the effects of eating too much of it (like this whole summer). Every couple of weeks I decide that the latter is no longer going to be an issue; I'm going for a run this morning, gosh darn it, or maybe I should try that Bollywood dance workout DVD I got from Netflix (Hey I should do that tomorrow. No, but I didn't plan on showering tomorrow. Oh shut up, nowhere does it say that you have to shower every single day. I showered this morning. Sheesh.). You see my point? that's why it happens every couple of weeks, days even. It never actually works.

This is a post about one of the most ridiculous First World Problems ever to grace the first world: A fridge full of food and nothing to eat. I have issues feeding myself. No, I can eat just fine, and just because I spill water bottles sometimes doesn't mean I'm a slob. And I can cook too, that's not the problem either. Actually just the other week I made some Indian chicken biryani that I thought was fantastic; man with that and my Bollywood dancing I would make the perfect Indian bride. Except for the fact that I'm not Indian, I suppose. No, the above are not contributing factors to my inability to feed myself. The main factor is that I stand in front of the fridge and have nothing to eat. And then I come back five minutes later and for some reason the outlook is the same. I don't know what to eat, except that I do. Remember how I love food? Vegetables, lean meat, and whole grains are totally on that list of food I love to eat. I could eat organic, grass-fed, low-calorie food all day every day and be totally happy, except perhaps for those times I need a lemon meringue pie. No, seriously, that sounds so good right now. I don't even know where I'm going with this, really. I suppose it's just to complain some more. If I were to come up with some of my favorite meals (a problem in itself, as I've already mentioned, but not insurmountable), buy those basic ingredients, and put myself to work in the kitchen, then I'd be home free and never starve again. Hard work and good planning make Ellyn a... full girl? I just woke up.

This is a post intended to ramble a bit. Except, I'm not entirely sure what to ramble about. I think it's really cool how multi-faceted people are, and how they have so many things going on in their heads that you will never actually know about. That's called sondering, actually, what I just did. Blogger doesn't think that's a real word but I'm about to look it up. Update: I found it on The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows and I'm not entirely sure it's a real word anymore, but here's the definition of sonder: "The realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk." Beautiful, really.

For instance (oh, you thought this paragraph was going to start with "This is a post", didn't you? psych.), just a few weeks ago I found out that a friend of mine from the show (I'm in a show right now, didn't you know?) has the hobby of making marionettes with her family. Marionettes. Isn't that so freaking cool? It's so random! So obscure! So awesome! They do performances with them, too. I'm really quite impressed. I think it's really important to pursue your interests, because you never know when you might have a connection with someone about it. My whole life I've gone through phases of obsession, and as a result I actually have quite the collection of experiences in which I could hold an informed conversation: Bollywood, karate, China, superheroes, Anime/manga, fantasy books, classic books, math, history, dragonology (yep that's a thing), knitting, British TV, painting, popular movies, obscure movies, classical music, and K-Pop. Come to think of it, I think I'm actually a really interesting person. One of my issues, however, is that when I try to share things about myself with someone (usually in the hopes that they will in turn share something with me so that we might find something in common), it comes off as bragging. I am fully aware that the above sentence also sounds like bragging, but I promise, it is just as much of a problem to be good at lots of things as it is to not be good at anything. Besides, I don't believe anyone is good at nothing; we are each given our own talents, are we not? So that comparison is a little invalid.

This is a post to expose a few of my flaws. I'm kind of spoiled. I'm a little arrogant. I can be super bossy sometimes. Sometimes I really have trouble understanding why people can't just get over things. I'm not a fan of victims, meaning people who don't take responsibility for their own feelings and actions. I've been raised with a "get over it" and "do it anyway" philosophy, so I'm afraid I'm not very sympathetic sometimes. I'm also a little judgmental and not very nice in my head, although I usually end up regretting it. I also talk too fast, and I've gotten really good at switching over from Facebook to something professional-looking really fast when someone important comes up behind me at work. Wait I'm not sure that's a flaw.

This is a post of anticipation. Dude. I can't wait for college. I might have trouble feeding myself, and we'll see how I get along with my roommates, but I think it's really going to be awesome. I'm so excited for the classes I'm taking; yes, Hindi is one of them. I literally will get to watch Bollywood in class and make Indian food for extra credit. So stoked.

This is a post of confession: I'm not sure I really love Bollywood that much anymore. I think it has lost a little of its luster; instead of thinking "Oh my goodness I can't wait to watch another Bollywood movie" I end up thinking "Well, nothing to do tonight. Guess I better watch a Bollywood movie." And yet I am way excited to take Hindi and I have already scouted out like five different opportunities to go to India next spring. I suppose India itself hasn't lost its appeal. Maybe I should quit Bollywood while I'm having fun. And yet apparently the 46 movies I've seen haven't been enough; literally the last two times I've talked to someone about Bollywood, the movies they had seen were Lagaan and Taare Zameen Par. I have not seen those movies; sure I like Aamir Khan just fine but they've just been on my list for a while and haven't come to the top. Obviously that's what I should have done instead of sleep and write this evening. Man, I forgot where I was going with this again. I guess if watching Bollywood is starting to feel like a duty rather than a leisure then it's time to take a break. I'm not committing to anything, however. I really do like Bollywood. Part of the problem is that I can feel that I've talked about Bollywood too much. It's just that it's been at the forefront of my mind for a while now, so it comes into conversation without me meaning to bring it up. I suppose I feel like it makes me an interesting person, and it does. But if my friend mentioned her marionettes every other day I might not think they were that cool anymore, you know? I think I might be exaggerating a bit. Maybe the problem is that I mention Bollywood to so many different people that even though I do talk about it every other day, no one really minds because they're not getting the full front of my obsession, so I'm working myself up about nothing.

But you know what I just remembered? The first time I watched a real Bollywood movie was January 15 of this year. It has been seven months since then. It has been a fine seven months, I think. Perhaps it really is time to stop.

Still not committing to anything.

Well, this is a post that is going nowhere. It's kind of just been an opening into the workings of Ellyn's mind, like the cover of Shel Silverstein's A Light in the Attic. I went through a poetry phase, too, come to think of it. I really might be an interesting person. I've also just written 2,000 words about literally nothing, though. I'm not sure if that's a plus or a minus in my tally of Interesting Person Points.

Maybe I should take up falconry.